Confessions

I am a psychic. No I can't tell your fortune or your future. I am not a party game. I am an empathic energy worker who grew up psychically aware. And other then talks with immediate family, I am very in the closet. Who wants to be the freak in the room? or the circus performer all the time?

There are a lot of fakes out there, and a lot of made up dogma that makes us all look flaky, delusional or just plain ditzy. There are so many people who judge the very idea with out knowing any thing about it; there is a lot of fear about things people do not understand or have direct experience with themselves. There is a lot of denial of the mere possibility. But the truth is there are different kinds of psychic awareness and different levels of psychic ability and knowledge.

For the most part, those of us with any true abilities have striven to keep it a dirty little secret. It is difficult to explain something other people do not see or understand. Like the color green; If you did not know of it, how could I make you understand what it is, how lush and beautiful in a forest? how pukey and dismal in a hospital? All the different shades and types and possibilities? I could not make you understand because you simply would not be able to conceptualize it, no matter how much I talked.

Often, when those with any psychic ability are young, we don't initially realize we are different, or that our gifts are unusual. Often we don't have a chance to understand how uncomfortable these ideas might make other people, because we don't feel comfortable with them ourselves. Sometimes we just KNOW things. We sense things, and sometimes, we feel them. And until we learn more about it, we usually cannot control when it will happen or how strong the impressions will be. How do you explain yourself when you do not have a language or culturally accepted concept of what you experience? You don't, you just secretly think you are kinda crazy and very alone if there is no one you can talk about it with. I was lucky. My whole family is crazy like that.

There is no rule for what a psychic IS or IS NOT, or what we might be able to do. Its like playing the violin really. Anyone can pick up an instrument and make some noise, but that doesn't mean that noise will make sense to anyone else, or even be "music" with out a lot of practice and training. Even then there are many flavors: beginners, life long novices, self taught hillbilly fiddlers, high school symphony players, child protege's and famous orchestra masters. When dealing with something that is not easily seen or understood by the masses, and disbelieved by crass and/or less sensitive people, it can be hard to validate and develop ones gift, or understand it inside of ones self. Many become drug addicts or alcoholics trying to suppress their "craziness", and keep others from noticing it.

I know people who deny and hide from their gifts in addictions and the distractions of electronics. But I also know people who can actually see and hear ghosts. I know those who hear voices and communicate with entities and spirits. None of these people make money from their gifts, or advertise these facts to the general public in any way. Most of them live their lives, firmly in the closet, trying to be and appear "normal" yet are deeply effected by their experiences. Most of those that I know who have embraced their gifts, utilize the knowledge in their lives and decisions quietly, discretely and with only subtle clues to indicate there might be more then meets the eye. NO giant pentagrams or amethyst pendulums, no ads in the paper, or loud, drunken proclamations to strangers at parties like so many of the wannabe's project.

I do not see ghosts, but I can sense them, and tell whether I am encountering a habitual pattern memory, an entity of sorts, or a traumatic event that has stuck to a location or even crossed dimensions. I often know if I even want to meet someone with out knowing anything about them, and at first sighting I often know instantly and instinctively that I will be good friends with someone for years to come, often before they say a word.

The hardest thing to explain to others about me, is the idea that I do NOT always experience TIME in a linear fashion like most people do. (huh?) Consequently I do not subscribe to the theories and generally accepted realities of linear based time models. Not being a physics major myself (although they get me and love my theories and ideas), I do not have the complete scientific vocabulary to adequately express myself or my ideas to the satisfaction of the general populace. I am used to that, but it does not change my experience or beliefs. I have frequently remembered people, places and things before I ever encountered them in my life.

I have been known to not show up for important events because of a bad feeling, or a memory of something that has not happened, yet that I prefer to avoid the logistics of. I usually, and conveniently blame it on a migraine. Its just easier then trying to convince a bunch of cynics and non-believers who fear this stuff, of my real reasons. They generally argue with my logic or try to "talk me out of" trusting my own tried and true perceptions. Yet I have lived with this all y life. I may have known them for two weeks. I do not enjoy deception, but self preservation and avoiding the snide judgements and/or upsetting otherwise decent people, seems kinder most of the time.

Pain and traumatic events are often the first impressions picked up by, and referred to by psychics because these are some of the "loudest" readings we get from people and places. The chaotic energy is kind of like a stereo blasting, almost impossible to ignore or avoid. Many closet psychics fear their gifts for this reason and never take their explorations and understanding further. Many become drug addicts and alcoholics in an attempt to shut it down and make it stop. Addiction is a powerful tool for avoidance of the self on many fronts.

But some of us decide to learn about it, explore and develop it. Some of us learn to trust our crazy sounding impressions and risk being outcasts. WE are the lucky ones. Once we learn to channel and at least partially control our gifts, we can tune in to the more subtle and nicer energies running amuck on the planet. We don't have to suffer all the time with everyone, we can learn to shut if off or at least turn down the volume enough to have our own lives again.

So there it is. I am a closet psychic. This is me, "coming out". I do not fear ghosts, and I have exorcised a few in my time when truly necessary. I usually stay in the closet. To many people discredit us, and to many Psychic Advisers are fakes. Real psychics may share their impressions when asked by those they trust, but few seldom if ever, give advice or "tell the future", instead we read people, places, and objects, like a short story. That knowledge does not mean we know what to do about it in most situations.

I would love feed back and stories from others about your own psychic experiences, or encounters. Wouldn't it be fabulous to work with a neurologist on these ideas? Brain scan of migraines brought on by empathic energetic responses? or psychic energy or perceptions? I think so....